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Edmond Lau
Edmond Lau is not an Engineering Manager at The Effective Engineer. He is the author of the book "The Effective Engineer" and a co-founder of Awakened Partnership.3 Lau has extensive experience in the tech industry, having worked at companies like Google, Ooyala, Quora, and Quip.3 He is known for his work in empowering engineers and technical leaders with tools and mindsets to perform at their highest levels.1
Lau's career highlights include:
- Co-founding Awakened Partnership in March 20233
- Co-founding Co Leadership in January 20183
- Working as an Engineer, Architect, and Leadership Coach at Quip from 2014 to 20183
- Serving as Engineering Lead for User Growth at Quora from 2010 to 20133
- Working as a Software Engineer at Google from 2006 to 20083
Lau is also an engineering leadership coach who has worked with CTOs, directors, managers, and other emerging leaders in the tech industry.4 He has conducted workshops and seminars at companies like Pinterest, Google, Facebook, Quip, and Medium.4
His book, "The Effective Engineer," has become a popular resource for engineering teams, often used as an onboarding guide.4 Lau's work focuses on helping engineers and technical leaders maximize their impact and make meaningful differences in their careers.12
Highlights
My daughter Ember turns 100 days old today!
The other day, when a friend asked me how the first 100 days of fatherhood were treating me, the word that came to mind was “flourishing.”
Yes, there have been chaotic days, moments where I've lost my shit, fights with Kiki, times when everything seemed to unravel.
But it’s all unfolded against what’s been one of the most profound spiritual journeys in my lifetime.
Kiki and I have embraced an approach called Aware Parenting. In this practice, babies cry for two distinct reasons: to express immediate needs (hunger, sleep, touch, etc.) and to release and integrate deeper emotions. When all immediate needs are met, our role isn’t to stop the crying or fix anything.
We’re simply there to hold space with our grounded presence, creating a container of safety where any emotion can be felt fully. We don’t shush or swing or offer a pacifier — all of which just teach babies to suppress their feelings rather than move through them.
Instead, we transmit through our nervous systems: you are held, you are safe, you are loved, everything is okay.
And then, inevitably, once she finishes her emotional release, the transformation comes: her tiny body relaxes, her nervous system does a parasympathetic reset, her face softens into a smile, and often she drifts into peaceful sleep.
As I hold space for Ember's tears, I’m learning what it truly means to be held by something larger than myself — call it the divine, the universe, or simply life itself. The message is the same: no matter how intense things get in any given moment, you are fundamentally okay.
And with that knowing deeper in my body than ever, I’m able to show up to life in way I haven’t been able to before.
I’m learning to hold myself, even as I let myself completely fall apart. On days where I hit my limit, I can feel the heartbreak of having no more to give and even scream into the void, all while trusting I’ll be okay. And that capacity to fall apart lets me lean into the intensity of life even more.
I’m learning to embody my sword of truth, to step into the fire of intensity, and trust that I will be okay. That’s allowing me to break so many internal loops as well as patterns that Kiki and I have been stuck in relationally. It’s been beautiful to experience ourselves being more securely attached to ourselves and each other than ever before.
I’m learning to break my heart open to more love, to what’s already here. There have been so many moments where I will just hold Ember and cry, feeling the immense love I feel for this perfect little being and for our amazing life.
I’m learning to trust the creativity that’s moving through me, rather than needing to get somewhere. It’s showing up in a completely different relationship cooking, where I’m feeling inspired and creating so much deliciousness in my renaissance as a chef. It’s become my new way of loving on Kiki and on my friends.
And really through it all, I’m learning what it means to be securely attached to life itself — not chasing or avoiding any intensity in the present moment, but embracing it fully. In the same way that I’m teaching Ember, as I hold her, that it’s safe to feel all that she’s feeling.
Here’s my full reflection, on my first 100 days of fatherhood, called The Art of Being Held:

People say that being a new parent is hard. And it’s not that it’s not hard.
The nights of interrupted sleep, the few moments of delirium, the three days where my wife and I had long relational ruptures from the strain — they’ve been hard, for sure.
But as my daughter turns one month today, I realize there’s also a new parent story that I haven’t been told by parents before me, that I’m starting to discover. A story that shatters conventional narratives and reveals magic.
It’s the story of how in one month:
- I feel more connected to my friends and community than I’ve ever felt. Rather than creating isolation and loneliness, a baby has actually magnetized more care, love, and support into our home.
- I feel more love and attraction for my wife than ever before. Rather than losing our connection, a baby has only deepened my sense of devotion and divine union.
- I feel more connected and at ease with my mom, who’s living with us for two weeks, than I could’ve imagined.
- I’m experiencing a newfound simplicity and presence in life. Rather than making life more complex, a baby is actually helping to focus energy on what’s important.
- And surprisingly, I’m actually feeling more grounded freedom as a father than before. Rather than feeling trapped, I’m finding more space in the simplicity of life to notice and catch the subtle and invisible patterns that once trapped me.
When I zoom out to the big picture, the hard moments seem more like blips in the overall terrain of the month.
The new parent story that we’re creating seems so different than the story I’ve been told. I can’t help but wonder if we’re pioneering a new way of parenting — or at least rediscovering how humans were meant to raise children all along.
Read the full reflection and tribute to my first month of fatherhood:



